if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
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Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
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I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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