Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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