So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
