I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
