Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
