every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
