i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize