i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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