White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
