Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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