it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
