I can text with my tongue
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize