matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
