You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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