Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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