i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
