two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I love you. Go after that dick
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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