Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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