Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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