He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
