You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize