What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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