I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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