walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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