people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
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Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
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I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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