I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
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Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
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Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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