come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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