In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
