I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Are we still banned from the library?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
