i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Welp...herpes.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
