checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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