Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
