it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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