is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
