we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
