Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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