You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
