ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
