I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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