Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
