I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
