I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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