I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
