if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
