I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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