those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
