His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
