well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
