I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
