I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
