She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
