I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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