i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
