I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy