May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
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possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
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Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."