bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My vagina just recognized that song.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.