Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.