you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.