O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.