All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
reminds me of losing my job
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina