Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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